Reflections on what I learned from our China trip

Prior to even thinking about adoption, I had thought I was beyond all racial reactions in me. I thought that I was "color blind" and only judged people on their character. While that IS true (and after reading some great blogs, I'm learning that being "color blind" isn't quite right either as that denies a lot of WHO a person is). What I had not heard of, nor learned about, nor even seemed to care about is White Privilege. Huh? What in the HECK is that I wondered the first time I ever heard the term. After reading a few more blogs, I slowly began to understand it in my mind.

It's the knowledge that I will fit in when I go somewhere. It's the knowledge that I will be treated fairly in regards to race when I go shopping, or out to eat, or to the movies. It's really so very many things that I take for granted. It's the knowledge that when people SEE me, they know my cultural background and it's considered the "standard" one, the "ideal" one. It's the knowledge that ads are geared to appeal to me. It's the knowledge that television shows are geared to appeal to me. It's the fact that I can take my kids into a store and find toys that fit THEIR ideas of themselves, well okay not Katie and her baby dolls.

See, I understood it intellectually before we adopted. I didn't understand what it meant emotionally. I had not really seen minorities treated badly in front of my own eyes in a long time, or perhaps I was just blind to it? I thought we had mostly moved past this stage.

Then...well, the trip to China happened. Specifically, the LAX airport happened. I was happy and secure in myself all the way through Denver. But it was going to the international terminal at LAX, and going through security. Seeing the TSA belittle the people around us from other countries. Seeing the exasperation and rudeness they displayed with people who didn't speak English and were not white. Then, I experienced stellar treatment when we went through. Why? Is it that we are American and spoke English? Is it that we had our paperwork ready like they had asked? Or was it something related to race? I don't know, but the TSA person was not white.

But I will never EVER forget how it felt to walk up to that China Air (or was it Air China) area and realize that we were the ONLY white people around. That we could not understand what anyone was saying. Where, for the first time, we were ignored when standing at the desk to ask a question. Where, when I smiled in greeting to people, I didn't get the same response back that I do at home. I got curious looks. I got stared at. I was watched. It made me uncomfortable. My heart starting breaking when I realized that THIS is how many people in our country live on a day to day basis. I started looking at the ground so I didn't have to see them staring at me. It hit me then that perhaps so many minorities around me look at the ground for the same reason. It made me want to cry for what Katie would experience growing up in our family and in our country. It opened my eyes to how far we really had to go. I wondered then how I would feel for the next 12 days while in China.

It was shocking to me to NOT hear English first in instructions while in America. I had sort of expected it in China, but not really given it much thought. I had not thought just how isolated I was going to feel in China not being able to speak the language, how out of place I would feel because no matter where I was I would stand out due to my skin color. It made me truly feel uncomfortable about how comfortable I have it here in America. It made me wonder how Katie was going to feel growing up in our home, in our lives, and I wondered...was I doing the right thing?

I felt very guilty for any of the bad thoughts I had previously had, especially in Disney where instructions are given in multiple languages. It's NOT easy to sit and wait to hear your language so you can understand what is being said. It's really not easy to sit through the quiet while the first set is being played, then everyone around you starts talking and you can't quite hear and understand the YOUR language instructions. It was very frustrating. It was very eye-opening.

Since our trip, where I learned exactly how hard it was to not fully understand people who were talking to you, and how difficult it was to order a meal when you couldn't speak with the person, I have looked around me with new eyes. I have tried to respond in ways that I do not hinder someone who might be in the situation of having to cope with not speaking the language. I have read numerous blogs on race issues. I have vowed to give as much support as I can to Katie's feelings about how she looks. We will also talk to her about how when she goes out without us around, people are going to assume she has a different cultural background than what she will have. We'll have to prepare her for people thinking she doesn't speak English when they first see her. We'll have to prepare her for dealing with racism in all forms, something I don't feel totally prepared for as I have never really experienced it. I hope that I can.

By the way, ordering a meal in China with picture menus was one interesting experience. It wasn't hard, but there was no way to order special. Not to mention trying to figure out the money. Basic life skills that I take for granted here. It is NOT easy, and patience and kindness go a VERY long way.