The last night.

Tonight is the last night we spend as our little family in this house...alone. I think back to when we were buying this home, and all the changes that had occurred in our lives during that time. Things going on that remain heavy on my mind, even to this day. Memories that aren't the greatest, and now comprise many of my own private nightmares. Memories that make even moving to a larger home a hugely scary step for me.

I'm thinking of these things, and thinking back to how much JOY we've found in this house. I'm a tiny bit sad to be leaving it. Not as sad as I was to be leaving our first home, but sad nonetheless.

We said good-bye to Samuel's babyhood in this home (he was 2 when we moved here).
We potty trained Samuel in this home.
We said goodbye to our cat in this home.
We did Katie's entire adoption from this home (application to 12 months home).
We did so much "changing" things in this home...all floors except for about 15 square feet have been changed out.
We learned how to lay tile in this house.
We did the majority of our first years homeschooling from this home.
We paid off a great majority of our debt in this home.
We built wonderful friendships from this home.
We learned to love simple things in this home (not much room for big things).
We grew closer together.
We laughed.
We cried.
We rejoiced.
We played together.

But mostly, I have loved the peace I felt financially while being in this home. It's a peace only appreciated when you've struggled so hard and have faced times where money was so incredibly tight. Then, to be in a place, where it's NOT tight anymore...to know that you truly are living beneath your means and are content with what you have. Knowing you have the ability to give to others. Only, you are cramped in the house. Bursting at the seams sometimes. Knowing, you COULD live there longer if you had to. But also knowing, truly, that it was time to have faith...and move to a larger house. Not one that is a HUGE leap, not that glamorous home you first fell in love with...but one...that feels like the right step forward.

I'm sad to be leaving this home. Like I was sad to be graduating high school. Leaving what was familiar. What was easy. What was comfortable, and taking that tenuous step out of my comfort zone, trusting that things would be good. Fearful that something bad was looming on the horizon.

Have I ever mentioned that I'm a "worrier" by nature.

Financial peace. That's the part that really has me sad about leaving this house. We'll have it in the new house (living under our means again), but not quite the cushion we had in this house. It was a trade off of that for sanity in having 3 kids in a larger space. Trust me. Sanity is much better for me at the moment.