Why do we hardly talk about the tough parts?

You know, the home for months and attachment issues are still there. Home for years and noticing another attachment related issue. Home and having to go through doctor appointment after doctor appointment, finding out new things, ruling other things out. We never talk about how draining all of that can be. How difficult it is to continually go to multiple therapy appointments each week (or have them come into your home). How it's harder to do the therapy assignments, the "homework" if you will. How every time you play with your child it is therapy related play.

It's HARD. Yes, we do it. Yes we do it mostly without complaining. It's what parents do. But it's hard. It's hard to hear how someone newly home is easily adjusting with something you've struggled with. You feel jealous, then guilty for not being 100% happy for them. Then guilt for feeling jealous.

So much of our lives in the adoption process is judged by someone in relation to whether we would be good parents or not. It's hard to remember, that admitting we struggle with something doesn't mean we are not good parents. It means we are human. Heck, our reasons for adoption are even scrutinized greatly.

Why do we not feel comfortable talking about these things openly?

Now, I know I am extremely lucky in that Katie has not needed therapy. However, I have been through speech therapy with a child so I know the time involved in that. I've been through the process of getting diagnosis of medical things, and know how frustrating that can be. We, as parents and spouses, must be very proactive in what we do. We must do lots of research on our own, but tempered with the knowledge that we will surely find the worst case stuff. :) We are still dealing with some attachment issues, but thank goodness things are getting much better!

Another aspect that is hard, is the struggle of adding another child to the family dynamic. When you give birth, you have a "blob" of a baby who basically stays where you put them, is easily transported to places like church, ball games, etc. with minimal extra stuff. With adoption, especially international adoption, you incorporate an older baby. In our case, a toddler. Toddlers are not blobs. They are active. They have strong opinions. They needs lots of things to go to a ballgame - things like snacks, drinks, change of clothes, diapers, wipes, sunscreen, toys, strollers, blankets, and then some! Having a child who loves to play in toilets, getting 3 children dressed on Sunday morning...can be a recipe for disaster. I do not know how many times we've had to change Katie into a 2nd dress right before going out the door! The struggles with just day to day live, adjustments you have to make. We never talk about the realities of it all. We all know it's worth it, more than worth it...but no one ever talks about how tough just being a parent is.

For everyone out there who might still be reading, I'm not in a bad place or anything. I've been writing this post for, oh, 4-5 months. Roughly when the group after ours, or the 2nd group after ours got home from China. Lately, I've begun feeling jealous over the people going through that process (like I did for people pregnant with their first child after I had JM). I was deeply moved by our entire experience, and relished every bit of it (okay maybe not the very sick child part). I know, in my heart, that we are likely never to go back. Finances just dictate that. Not to mention the amount of time involved, and the changing of family dynamics. I'm learning to slowly accept and be content in my current circumstances (well not the house maybe). :)