There is a family from my agency that just lost their newest little one, she has been with them for 2 months. Monday she underwent a heart catheterization and coded, last night they pulled her off of the machines that were only keeping her heart beating and lungs breathing.
I think of her, and I think of Katie. They were about the same age. I think of how incredibly blessed we've been with Katie, and I wonder why we were so blessed. I think of my other children, and I know we're blessed there as well. Yet, I feel guilt. Guilt over having children who are so healthy, and vibrant, and full of life. I love every minute, and I'm so incredibly thankful for them.
I look at my husband, who loves me so much. I don't deserve it as I'm not the best wife in the world (I ask that he helps clean and cook even though I'm a SAHM just for starters). Sure we squabble, sure we have things that annoy us...but really, I'm blessed with my life's mate. I'm thankful for him in oh so many ways.
But, why me? Why am I so blessed? Why do I feel guilt over having things go my way? I don't know. I know my heart is heavy for this family who just lost their youngest daughter. It's so very very heavy.
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It's so hard sometimes when we have been so blessed with our daughters to see a tragedy like this. We will always feel that guilt that we are "lucky" that hasn't happened to us. There is always a reason for things and only God knows this sometimes. With our grief it's hard to see the reasons. Trust me - I ask everyday why my parents couldn't meet Tiana. I ask everyday how we got so lucky to have her in our lives when other people are still waiting. Give it up to God, he'll help you through these feelings.
Sorry - that was so jumbled but my thoughts are like that right now!
Hugs,
Carla
Yes, such sad news! My heart hurts for this family and all our prayers will be so crucial during this time. It sure does make you think about how it could happen to any one of us / our children. Why, Lord, why? We can't possibly know the answer, except we do know that our Jesus hurts with this family and loves them with an everlasting love.
Joining you in prayer--
Jen
P.S. Carla, you've been so faithful to visit my blog and post fun and encouraging comments during our time of transition. I SO SO SO appreciate your online friendship - thank you! I look forward to transitioning it into real-time. :) Let's set up that visit we talked about maybe in September?? (I'll track down your email and we can chat more about it.) And I can't wait for the girls to meet!
It's the mom in us sweetie... we put ourselves in the place of those parents and our hearts just ache at the thought of that happening to one of our precious babies. It's SO easy to get into that place.
And, I again am putting myself in shoes that I don't know how work, but in the case of adopting... not that an adopted child is more special than a biological one, but... (I thought about this when Maria Chapman died) I would at some point feel like I'd let down her biological parents... or the orphanage people who had her before I got her.... like someone had entrusted something to me and I broke it. I'M NOT saying that's how they SHOULD feel though... please don't take that the wrong way.
I'm rambling... big hugs...
Oh, Carla. How very, very sad. We are with the same agency as Brea Wusterbarth's family and, while their outcome was a happy one, I definitely remember feeling similarly when things were so terrible for little Brea. Hugs to you.
All I can cling to is the words Mary Beth Chapman shared -- "I may not understand this, but I know my God is the same God He was yesterday."
I understand this guilt so well. I have a friend whom was pregnant with twins and in her late second trimester lost one of the twins. It's only been a short five months so she is still in pain from this. I am very blessed with having two very healthy boys. I am sure not mother or wife of the year so I do feel that guilt too. I can't even imagine what she has/is going through. I can only pray that I can be a good friend for her in this hard time.
oh, how completely devastating. :( I'm so sorry for that family...
How sad for them :(
I need to comment on the "guilt" issue though, I used to feel it often - why do I find it so easy to conceive and have babies, why have I got five very healthy, pretty easy children, why have I got a wonderful DH ... when so many people struggle, and I used to feel guilty. Then I read something somewhere a few years back and realised guilt is a waste of time, I've tried to turn it into feeling incredibly blessed and something I should appreciate and be thankful for, because I am incredibly blessed :)
You're a wonderful person and mother Carla :)
oh no, that is so wrong and terrible. I cannot imagine the grief.
that family will be in my prayers. God knows who they are, so He'll understand the prayers.
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