Why China? Why adopt?

this is probably going to be a really long post, and for that I'm sorry. But honestly, to get through to WHY I need to make you understand where I was when we made that decision.

Dh and I, on an agonizingly long drive cross country right after we were married, had a long discussion about how many children we were going to have. I wanted 4. Dh wanted 2. We compromised at 3, possibly 4. Dh wanted to adopt, and I had wanted to adopt from China since I was 14 years old. Dh wasn't sure on country and would not commit at that time. I was 20, he was 26. We had years to wait on China adoption anyway, and I knew we wanted bio kids.

Being the "list maker and planner" that I am, we discussed timing. I wanted the kids 4 years apart. Dh just wanted them all born before he turned 36. Why 36? 36 + 25 = 61, or getting fairly close to retirement age. 25 years of "rearing" them through college. Remember he was 26 at the time. That gave us 9 years. 3 kids 4 years apart each takes 8 years. Not so much time left huh?

Our first, JM, was born when I was 22 and Dh was 28. 2 years later we discovered something called Secondary infertility. It's quite real, the pain is real, and oh yeah...it threw our entire plan off. Our second, came along 3 years and 10 months after JM was born - so I was 26 and Dh was 31. Boy that is an understatement of how much my life was changed with that entire experience. We'd have a 3rd, then we'd adopt was my original plan. More secondary infertility, failed treatments this time, and the frustration with all things medical and infertility were at an all time high for me. January 2005, watching a baby dedication at church, I realized that it wasn't another baby I wanted. I wanted a daughter. Dh came to the exact same realization that Sunday as well.

We knew we had a greater than average chance of having a 3rd boy (look at our clones in the header). ;) Boys are great, but I did want a daughter. Dh asked me about adoption programs. Could we specify gender doing a domestic adoption? Did we need to go international? After the pain of infertility, which program was the most stable (let me pause and laugh for a minute here)...and which program can we get a baby. I was 28. We started looking into different programs, but my heart from childhood was always with China.

I found out I had to be 30 with China. But none of the other programs I ever looked at felt right. It seems so downplayed to say "felt" when it was such a strong pull in my heart to China. In February 2005, Dh and I had a "family meeting" with each other and we decided on China. He just suddenly came around to it one day. I had sent him the links to different agency programs, links to different costs, and pros/cons to each that I could find. Remember I'm that "list maker" personality. He's an "enginerd."

February 2005 on I started researching agencies. I read blogs. I looked over lists of recommended. But I kept coming back to America World. Why? I don't know. I felt "pulled" to them. I'm ashamed to say that I never once called any of their references. I would read blogs of their clients, but never talked to them personally. November 2005, I was finally at least 29.5 and able to start the process and we chose America World and China.

Why? Because we wanted a daughter and knew it was unlikely we'd have our own. Since we'd always planned to adopt as a way to add to our family, it just became child #3 instead of child #4. Why China? Quite honestly, because that is where we felt led to go, where we felt our daughter was. It seems a little "lame" and overused, but it's truthful. We did feel like their program was the most stable (insert laughter here), and it did not hurt that we have always admired the culture. We have loved studying about ancient China, been in awe of the Great Wall, and it just all seemed to fall into place and click in our minds when thinking of our future daughter.

Will we have a child #4? I don't know. I won't rule it out, but if we do, I will tell you it will most likely come through adoption.