I feel the need for discussion on this, as I know someone going through the "older stage" of separation anxiety. At Katie's age, and honestly, a little older, we can tell them "We'll be back after we go XYZ." They believe us, they like that. However, as we experienced some with Samuel, around the age of 4-5 a new awareness settles in. Children learn, not only that Mommy exists apart from them, but BAD THINGS can happen to Mommy while she is away. I don't want to lie to Katie when that happens, because we all know that we can't promise that NOTHING will happen to us. We don't know that. Just like we don't know for certain that we will all live to see our children with their grandchildren. We hope to. But we don't know for certain. KWIM?
I am trying to figure out WHAT to say to Katie when it's time for this. It's sort of like trying to figure out what to say about the birth parent issue. We don't know for certain that her birth parents loved her, we believe they did. But we can't know for certain. Just like we can't know for certain that all the information in her referral paperwork was correct (i.e. her finding story). All I can tell her is that this is what we know from her paperwork, and from that we BELIEVE this. We can tell her that she was well cared for by the orphanage, and we believe they loved her. We know that she was attached to her foster Mom.
With Samuel, when he was crying every time I left the house, or his needing to see me at the store at all times (no going to find a seat at the pizza place), we ended up telling him that I loved him very much and I would always do my best to come home to him. He understood something could happen to me, and that was what he was afraid of. We ended up having to explain to him what would happen if I did not come back to him, and that Daddy would take care of him and the grandparents would take care of him and the Aunts and Uncles would take care of him and love on him. Which worked except for times when Daddy and the others were not around (like I had to leave him with a friend while I went to a doctor's appointment). That friend and I explained to Samuel that she would love on him and take care of him until she could get him to Daddy, or grandparents, or aunts, or uncles! But somehow, I do not see this working as well with Katie. I am concerned that her past, and what she has gone through already, will make this harder to explain and to ease her fears. I could also be wrong about that as well.
However, JM never went through that stage that we know of. Of course, he was never anxiously attached at any point either.
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We had the same thing happen with our JT that you ahd with Samuel. We helped him through it the same way you did.
I don't know what we'll do for Luci. She's already got some sort of story about herself that she will tell me that has her, Moses and Cinderella (when stepmother locked her in the tower, but she says it was a man) all wrapped up in one. I bring up her story often, correcting her story (the locking in a room--that was just from the movie).
I am looking forward to learning what the other posts say, and what your future posts say.
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