Haven't I learned the lesson of patience yet?!

The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride. Ecclesiastes 7:8

It's hard to remember that at the end of this horrid wait, we will have Katie. We will. The agency has told us that our file is locked in with her file. The CCAA KNOWS we want to adopt her. We even have Pre-Approval. Found that out today, we got it a LOOOONG time ago. Basically it doesn't mean a whole lot for us, but it does mean that we are officially connected to Katie's file.

September 2006 is still officially in review, and I know of someone who was questioned recently (something minor that will not cause them to be kicked out...just a paperwork correction). Their LID is at the end of September. This means, that we should be through review. GREAT news is that there were no questions (well so far and assuming that CCAA did go in date order like they typically do). As of Wednesday they were within 5 LID days of finishing September (and it's possible some of those were weekend days).

Soon. We have to have good news soon.

Anyone who has ever known me, knows that I am not very patient. I like to make a decision, then act on it. I like for things to fall into place and proceed according to plan. My plan. Ever since I started college, I have been learning patience. I have been learning that my plans are not always going to work out. I've learned that I can not control everything, but some things I want answers to.

When we first started this process I remember our homestudy agency telling me that in International Adoption things often go awry, that things don't happen logically, that I must have patience and be willing to go with the flow. I understood mentally. I really did. I know that I am at the mercy of others who are in charge of this process. I had a major problem with accepting the length of time to get official word on my denied fingerprints for our state background check. The homestudy agency reminded me of things not going to a set scheduled plan. When the USCIS office became so backed up during our paperchase, I was reminded again by the agency that things don't run smoothly.

This waiting for the LOA is much like that waiting for the 171h approval. We needed that "golden ticket" that allowed us to send our dossier to China...to get our place in line. I knew I would calm down once we were there, once we were DTC. I was right. I did. I had done all I could and it was now in the hands of the CCAA. I had my LID. I had my place in line. All was well in my logical world. :)

When we accepted a SN referral I was prepared for a 4-5 month wait to travel. I really was. Only I started seeing others, with similar statistics as my own get LOA in 55 days. I started dreaming. Dreaming that I would have her in my arms for Halloween. Hmmm...what could I dress her in for Halloween? She would be almost 15 months old. Still quite a baby. I anxiously watched for that LOA, but I wasn't stressed about it. I was hopeful. I was excited.

Then, we were skipped. It is such a cruel blow to dreams. I had to come to terms with the fact that I would not have her in my arms for Halloween. But I thought for sure it would be resolved within a week or two. We could still possibly travel Nov 1 or really Nov 15th. I got to the point where I was okay with Nov 15th, she would be 15.5 months olds. What's an additional 2 weeks?

Here it is, Thursday October 25th. The day that I had planned on traveling, since July. I thought this would be THE day I could travel. That it was easily understood we would have her home by Thanksgiving. I had a baby shower planned for October 18th and one for Thanksgiving weekend. Both were rescheduled after we were skipped. I want that official word that Katie is indeed ours.

I am now trying to resolve myself that it has been 3.5 weeks since we were skipped. 3.5 weeks of trying to live during a time that I need to be able to go with the flow. Those words from my homestudy agency almost 2 years ago come back to me. I understand them in my heart now. I get what she was trying to explain. I'm better at going with this flow because I know I have done all I can on my end.

Right now we are not even sure if we will have Katie in our arms for Thanksgiving, it's looking like we might not even be on our way to China by Thanksgiving. We have had the talk with our oldest son, and he's showing great maturity by being flexible with his birthday plans.

Will we have Katie home by Christmas? It seems like it should be a foregone conclusion. But time is really running short on making it. The processing time for paperwork is what will slow us down.

I feel like I need to explain that paperwork again...

We are currently waiting on LOA or RA (same thing). Once we get that paper, which is in Chinese and is the official document that asks us if we want to continue with the adoption of Xi Xiao Lan. Of course we do. It's really a formality, but paperwork is important. Because we have to sign this, our agency will Fed Ex (priority) this letter to us. We will then Fed Ex it back to them. This will take 2-3 days. They will then turn around and Fed Ex it to China, priority overnight which takes roughly 2 days to get there (international dateline and all). Once China gets that LOA/RA paper back, they then have to contact the orphanage to make sure that the child is still available (again a formality, but in a few rare instances things have happened...mostly in the NSN line I think). Once the orphanage responds, then the CCAA will issue TA (Travel Approval). Once our agency gets this (and I think it might be electronic now). They will then call us, give us possible travel dates and then immediately contact the US Consulate and request a consulate appointment (CA). Once we get that CA we will then book tickets (well pay and get them officially as the agency puts them on 24 hour hold while they wait on the CA).

The time from when our LOA/RA gets to China until we get that TA can take as little as 2 weeks or as much as 6 weeks. Normal, average time is 2-3 weeks.

So, go out 4 weeks from NOW, and that is the earliest we will probably be traveling.

See why patience is needed? I want to go at my pace. I want to have Katie in my arms now. But it's not working out that way. We are very near the end of our adoption paperchasing part, and very close to traveling to China. Honestly, we should be getting that LOA any day (well as soon as September leaves review room).

I just need to remember that Katie is the end result of all this paperwork and we all know she is more than worth any stress I am currently feeling. Patience. Faith. Hope.

Today is 119 days. Will Katie smile for us that first day?