In all my pondering of destiny and fate, I have to think about the bad things. The times when children die. When a mother gets very sick. When a father is killed in an accident. So many bad things happen every day, so many times I ask WHY?!
Like the children who have died a few days after being adopted by their parents. Or when the adopted child dies within a few months of being home. What is the point of that I ask? WHY did that have to happen?
I've learned that I am someone who wants to KNOW that something good has come out of a bad situation, and sometimes I just can not see it.
Just like one of my IVF friends whose 5 years struggle to have a child ended in a full-term still born baby due to a knot in a cord. The baby passed away around 4 hours prior to the scheduled c-section, the decision on the parents and the doctor's part NOT to do a c-section on Thursday caused that child to die. In her case a new "cause" was created, a new "project" so to speak. The Baby James Project *I hope all my friends who are pregnant READ that link*
If you want to the full story, there is a link on there to James' story, and the photo essay of his birth (as a photographer the Mom had another photographer friend schedule to photo the birth)....so be prepared if you view the photo slideshow. It's powerful, and emotional, and very very tastefully done...and yet another reason WHY Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep is such a great organization.
In her case, I was able to SEE the good eventually. I know her, and she has mentioned that some people have emailed her and told her that finding out about kick counting SAVED their child. She has mentioned it's hard to hear, but each time she does it gets easier to deal with Baby James' death.
But what about when it seems senseless? Such as another friend's child born with Trisomy 18? Or my own nephew who was born at 23 weeks and did not survive? What was the point?
I think this is one of those unanswerable questions.
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6 comments:
Carla ~ The husband really, truly struggled with this after Sept. II. I think you'll remember why. He read The Problem of Pain by CS Lewis and it helped him a lot.
And I am so, so sorry for the losses your friends and family have experienced. Sometimes words don't help.
oh my, that is heart-breaking.
JT was too calm, and I went in twice to see why he was so quiet. (Bryan, in contrast, was active the whole pregnancy--JT was just a calmer baby, even after birth.) Nothing was wrong with him, but going in to check is a great idea, and all moms should do that if there is any question at all!
It is as you said - there are no words, no good reasons. If you have faith in a God, we just have to tell ourselves that that is enough.
If you have no faith, then...you must find some other explanation that works for yourself.
After the death of my grandmother, I went through these questions. She passed away much earlier in life than she should have, due to a terminal illness that wasn't her fault. I so wanted her to know my children - she was never able to meet my son in this life. (I believe she dropped by on her way to Heaven to visit, but that's another story. Ask me about it if you like.) Why don't my children get to know their great grandmother??
I just had to tell myself - in the grand scheme of things - this life is very short. She is waiting for us, on the Other Side, and we will have the rest of eternity together. That's all I CAN tell myself.
Oh I'm just sobbing!
That was a beautiful video with the pictures of baby James. I already knew about the organization of photographers helping to create memories for families like this, I have followed along with Angie's blog about her daughter Audrey Caroline (audreycaroline.blogspot.com) for over a year now, her daughter died shortly after birth from Trisomy 18I could only imagine the pain!
Thank you for posting about this, I did know about kick counting when I was pregnant but I don't recall where I heard it from. I have a sister in law that is pregnant with her first, and I will have to share this with her.
This happened to a girl who was pregnant with me and in the same Bible study. She was a few weeks ahead of me...went in for a scheduled C-section and there was no heartbeat. Then we had to see each other while I waited for my own baby to be born, while I wheeled my newborn in the stroller, nursed her in church, etc.
It was such a painful reminder for both of us. My Sue had a marker for Down Syndrome too, and then she was born so perfect...
We cannot understand these things because we don't have God's perspective, obviously. Like anyone, I could list many other similarly-heartbreaking stories.
We just don't know why. Yet even still, we trust God does know why. And His reasons will make sense one day.
That, I am sure of.
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