Go forth and SAVE an orphan!

I truly can NOT stand that phrase. Saving a person? I know it's personal choice, much like the use of GOTCHA, but for me..."Saving an orphan" is somewhat offensive. We didn't SAVE Katie. We didn't SAVE an orphan. We adopted a child. We promised to love her and cherish her, but we didn't save her. The phrase "Saving an Orphan" is more what I consider the thought of "I'm going to rescue this poor helpless little child who has no future except to grow up in this awful orphanage never knowing love and growing up to live in this country where the water is bad, the air quality stinks, they can't vacation to Disney, or wear nice clothes...and where they will never be able to know G*d. What a terrible life they would have had if it were not for me doing this wonderful work of adoption."

When I was growing up, we heard "Save the Whales!" and "SAVE the planet!" and "Save the Purple Spotted Beetle Bugs!" (Okay the last isn't real, but it seemed like everything we heard was save this thing or that thing.) I don't think of Katie in those terms. I don't think there was anything particularly terrible about her circumstances in China. I think, had she grown up in China, she would have led a happy life. I truly believe that. Even if she had only lived in the orphanage, who am I to say that her life there would have been worse than the life she has with us? Sure, knowing the love of a family is great. But in the end, will the love we give her be enough in her mind to overcome all that she has lost. I like to think it will, but only Katie will be able to answer that. Do material possessions matter? Do trips to fun places? Do all the opportunities we can give her? Or could it have been a matter of since she knew no other life? Only Katie can answer that question when she is older. I hope she feels like she has had a GOOD life, a HAPPY life despite being adopted, despite being removed from her birth culture, and despite all the wrong things we as her parents will possibly do in the future (like deny her that brand new car for her 16th birthday). So, really, it is only Katie who can possibly answer if our adoption of her was a good thing, or not. While I think it is, that is only from MY viewpoint. Not hers. When I think of all she lost I feel sad for her. I think about the things I take for granted, things that she will not...and I feel saddened by that because I can NOT fix it, or make it better. It is what it is, and I can only support Katie in any feelings she has about it, I can only support her in endeavors to learn things that should have been hers by birthright (and yes, that means we as a family WILL be taking Mandarin in the future).

So, did I SAVE her?

No. I changed the course of her life. I believe, after choices were made by her parents in China through their own free will (and well, governmental pressures as well), that she was then placed on a course for US to be able to adopt her and change HER life. Do I think it was for the better? I like to think we are able to give her a better life, but it is not necessarily true and again only Katie can answer that question for herself. Only Katie can answer whether or not her life was bettered by being adopted into an American family.

I think that there is a reason she was chosen to be OUR daughter, just like I believe that our sons were given to us to be our sons. I believe that our children have a "destiny" to fulfill, but I believe at this point in time there are several paths, several destinies ahead. Each has a purpose. Perhaps all are not wonderful, but I believe each path has a purpose. I try very hard NOT to put any pressure on my kids to be anything but HAPPY. If becoming a rocket scientist or an astronaut will make them happy, then great. But if they'll be happy becoming a gardener at the botanical gardens, then great too. However, they will all know that if being happy in their lives means still living with parents when they are 30, not working, and just playing video games or something...then...well...that is so not okay. ;)

I believe that G*d has a purpose for our lives, and He knows all the possible paths those lives will take. But I also believe that He has given us FREE WILL to choose those paths. It was through the CHOICES we made, CHOICES Katie's parents in China made, and CHOICES that were made on her behalf in China that led us to become family. I believe that had other choices been made, our daughter might not be the Katie we know and love today...but rather someone else equally special. I believe that we as her parents were chosen to be her parents because we are able to give/do/be something to her that she will need in the future (just the same as I believe for our boys).

I stumble across so many people who vehemently deny that they "Saved an Orphan" but in reading and talking to them, it is apparent to me that perhaps they actually think in those terms. They make comments about how much better their lives are here with them, how much of a brighter future they have now, how lucky the child is that the parents decided to ADOPT...and it all leaves me feeling kind of sick inside. They talk in front of their daughters (and sons!) about how wonderful of people they are because they went to China and adopted those poor unfortunate souls who live in orphanages. Their negativity toward China in front of their children astounds me. I truly think, that had Katie stayed in China that she probably would have had a wonderful life as well. There is a reason she became our daughter, and I am looking forward to living life with her and watching her become the person she will become.