Assumptions are the death of possibilities. - James Mapes
We are a Christian family. We attend church on Sunday AND Wednesday for most of the year. We've even been known to attend on Sunday nights and special event nights on other nights of the week. The kids have all grown up attending church, and it's easy to assume that they will be Christian. That they will live a Christian life.
But you know, they might not be. I hope they are, but it's THEIR decision. It's not an easy decision either, to choose that path. I happen to believe it's an easy way of life, I enjoy it. But my children may feel differently.
Will I love them any less if they choose differently? Will I think of them differently if they turn from their roots in Christianity?
I can tell you, with having a child on the cusp of making a profession of faith, that not interfering...not pushing that profession has been one of the hardest things I have done as a Christian. I want him to make the choice I did, but if I push it then it might not be HIS choice, and that would truly be the worst thing to have happen.
All I can do is LOVE my child. No matter what choices he or she makes.
If I assume that my child will be a Christian, then what does that assumption do to them...what pressure does that place on them? Will they think, perhaps, if I don't make this choice then Mom won't love me. The choice to become a Christian then, isn't defined by anything but whether or not they are going to keep Mom's love. That is so not right, so I'm trying NOT to assume that my children will become Christians....but it's so hard because I want them to so badly.
Just like I ASSUME my children will attend college. They may not. I assume they will most likely become Enginerds like their father, or at least have something to do in the science fields...but what IF they don't? What pressure does it put on them to choose a career if I've told them all their lives that they should be an Enginerd? What if their true "calling" is to be more...oh...less "geeky" or something? Will I embrace that as much? Will they feel comfortable enough exploring THOSE possibilities?
What if I assume they will do something GREAT, and they define greatness differently than I'm defining it? What if they do not live up to their own definition of what it means to be something great? What then?
What exactly do I WANT for my children? I want for them to be HAPPY. I want for them to be PRODUCTIVE CITIZENS (meaning that while I think they'd be happy doing nothing but play video games, I want them to actually do something more productive). I want them LOVE others, especially their siblings. I want them to know that we LOVE them, unconditionally and completely....even if they only want to play video games all day long.
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2 comments:
Oooh...this is a hard post for me to read. Honestly, I skimmed it. I'm such a control freak, and I never realized it until I had a two year old that said "no" to just about everything I asked her to do.
I should know better. My mother told me what major to study, what college to attend, what boys not to date. I rebelled against EVERYTHING she told me to do. She said study the arts, I decided to study nursing. By the time the 10 week quarter was over and I had ROYALLY messed up my GPA taking all science classes, I decided to take a look at my past transcripts - all my A's were in music and speech communication. I applied to, and was accepted, to both majors. Only AFTER I broke the news to my mother that i was going to be a music major...did I remember that was what she told me to do in the first place. DOH! Drat my lousy memory. ;-)
We've chatted about this before. And I SO think this is important for all parents, but especially adoptive parents because genetics DO play a role. Adopted children are less likely to take after their adoptive parents in talents, strengths and interests. We can only guide, encourage and support them.
As for Christianity - again, added layers for internationally adopted children, since many come from countries and cultures that are not Christian. How does a parent share the Christian faith while still respecting the faith of the child's birth country?
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